I was asked to do a “bio’ for this website. I don’t know what a “bio” should include. Should I tell you that at the age of 61 (I may well live on to be the oldest person ever although I personally would like to be out of here by the time I’m 75.) I have the blood pressure of someone in their early 30’s?Should I tell about the months I spent in the locked ward of a private mental hospital after an unprofessional attempt to kill myself? It’s no one’s business what I do to make a living or where I was born or if I’m married or not. If you want, you can figure those things out for yourself.

I have a professionally acquired voice. You can pay me for it if you wish. Phone messages, voiceovers, and if you’re an animator, you’ll definitely want my voice for your next feature, evil or otherwise. In fact, I can do “Darth Vader” without the Lucas-like SFX of talking through a hollowed out scuba tank or long mailing tube. For fun, I also do the now deceased Christopher Glenn, the man who voiced “In the News” for CBS Saturday morning cartoon marathons.

I collected and fired every large bore handgun made on earth. Then, because I was broke, I sold them all. The colt combat commander model in .45 caliber was my favorite weapon for “close order” defense. If you need to stop a train, check out the new .50 caliber magnum. If you’re employed on a working ranch where bears might occasionally stroll, you know the value of having a colt anaconda as your back-up sidearm.

I have a license to drive on any SCCA racetrack in the world. I take thyroid pills… unusual for men but becoming more of an issue as all our bodies are now on a rampant evolutionary cycle that hasn’t been mentioned on the covers of the news weeklies, but should because worldwide, it’s a huge story. And no one knows about it. Except a few people in research.

I’ve written novels in my head and few even made it onto paper. “trunk novels” as Stephen King likes to call them. Thrillers mostly. Tough, on-the-loose hero type novels with strange gore and even stranger assassins.

I smoke a lot of hash and a lot of Sweetleaf. I travel to Amsterdam at least 5 times a year. Say hello to John or Steve at the Grey Area next time you’re in there. Tell them Charles sent you in. Round the corner, visit Amnesia. Sissy owns the place. When she’s not back in Germany visiting family you’ll find her at the counter or schmoozing with customers. You’ll find all you need to know about Amsterdam on this website. All the photos are for sale. Unfortunately, the bubble-gum scented bud is not. You’ll have to go there and get that in person. Buy a grinder. You’ll need it. I’ll also give you the names of places to find the best hash, the best buds, and the best mushrooms.

When I was in my 30’s I supported myself with print and film work. Both voice-over and on-camera. I was the spokesman for hot wheels nationwide. If you watched cartoons, you saw me hawking hot wheels. In South Florida I was the “Big Kahuna” for Sportsmen’s Paradise. I was on talk radio in Miami until I made a nasty remark about what should happen to Nancy Reagan’s breasts once they were removed. People called and complained and I was vaporized from WNWS.

After being canned I wrote my first trunk novel. A has-been homicide detective is hired to find out who is slaughtering people in Miami hotel rooms. A “billionaire” serial killer who covers his ass with money and political influence. My hero’s last name was Deckinger. I don’t think he had a first name.

My sister joined the CIA after college. She told the folks at Mclean that I was some kind of anarchist. So they’ve got a file. If you’ve got the codes, go in and take a look. Let me know what you find. Any questions you have, send them to me via e-mail. I’ve traveled to places most people only dream about. And I never used any of my own money to do it. Except for now. Traveling on your own dough is always better than using someone else’s. Even if an attractive L.A. widow wants to foot the bill.

This bio will be updated as needed. This is all you need to know for now.