Ketamine is on my mind. Twice a week. Two hours every time.
I suffer from severe, recurrent clinical depression and have most of my life.I am , for the most part, medication resistant. I had TMS treatments which held me together for nearly three years. Then I suffered breakthrough depression and saw my psychiatrist. She suggested Ketamine Therapy. I asked her if it would work for me. Her answer was affirmative. “It will work”.

Her assurance both startled and pleased me. I’ve never had a psychiatrist be so definite when discussing treatment options. Her words, “It will work” vibrate inside me every day.

My treatments consist of two nasal sprays, every five minutes for fifteen minutes. Brand name is Spravato. The first effects are relaxing. I’m in a room with a television monitor scrolling Netflix selections. They begin to become surreal after another ten minutes. The faces on the monitor appear to be made of plastic. Then they become double images. The door handle on the entrance door to the room becomes a double image. Like the Foreigner song “Double Vision”. I’m very relaxed right now. I close my eyes. I open the lids slightly and watch the wallpaper in the room begin to scroll like a desert landscape, rolling over like waves of sand in the dunes. .I see the image of my director in the play I’m in and wonder if she feels my energy. Can she hear me “seeing” her? Then more waves of sand roll past and I think of my friend Don Kirchner. I feel how important his friendship is to me even though now we just correspond online. We used to smoke weed together in the 60’s and do psychedelic drugs with our friends.

I think that the ketamine experience for most people would be intimidating. I can see how some people become nauseous at first until they accommodate themselves to the effects of the drug. To some it’s the experience of being drunk but without the confusion alcohol adds to the experience of bodily intoxication.

I enjoy my ketamine therapies. They’re enlightening and fun. I enjoy the disassociation from reality offered by the treatment. To me, ketamine is not a drug. It’s an enlightening, and very intense experience. But most of all it has subdued my depression dramatically.

At this point I’ve had 13 treatments. I’m down to one treatment per week. I will continue being treated through the month of May. I imagine I can also be considered for more treatments if my depression resurfaces again. But I don’t think it will. As my psychiatrist has assured me, “It works”. It has rescued me from the oily darkness of devastating depression and for that I am grateful.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 6th, 2024 at 5:44 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.